Homesick

Josh and I moved to Florida in the winter of 2006. The way which we happened upon the decision was one part erratic mixed with one part desperation and 2 parts optimism.

We were on our honeymoon - cruising for 7 days through the Western Carribean and happened upon the idea of moving out of New Jersey. See, we weren't surviving very well in New Jersey - we were in debt up to our eyeballs, we weren't making great money, we were still living with a roommate and didn't see any prospects on that changing any time soon... It just didn't feel like we were going to get to "live our lives" in New Jersey. It felt like we were always going to be college kids scraping along. No house. Definitely no family.

So - off we went with the idea in our heads that we would move to Tampa and live near my brother who was just finishing up his degree at an art school in the area. It seemed like the perfect plan - George would live with us for less than he was paying in his current apartment and Josh and I would cut our expenses in half by moving to Florida. All systems go!

Well, two weeks after I moved to Florida, George decided to chase the love of his life in North Carolina and I was left with an apartment full of stuff to clear out. I was so mad at the time, but now it makes me laugh.

Josh and I did surprisingly well in Florida - Josh got a great job for comparable money to what he was making in New Jersey - the bonus being that he was making the same money to work INDOORS rather than outside the way we planned. I was also making the same money as up north and quickly Josh and I were financially solvent and then some.

Fast forward a bit and we bought a house. We eradicated our debt. We had the most amazing, beautiful little girl.

But here we sit - with a house. Free of debt. With an amazing little girl. Missing our friends. Missing the seasons. Missing our families. Missing the City. Missing pretty much everything from pumped gas to potholes.

After almost 4 years in the house, it still doesn't feel like home.

You would think that living on the flatest piece of earth would be pretty neat - you can ride your bike for miles and never really get tired! The gas mileage is GREAT! ... there are also no hills to bounce sunlight off of - to hike on or just admire its beauty.

You would think that living in a state with 300 days of sunshine a year would be pretty sweet! ... but you forget how pretty the leaves are when they change in October - no matter how briefly. You forget how beautiful it can be to wake up to a blanket of snow and what its like to step outside and hear only that which managed to survive beyond the absorption of the snow around you.

You would think that you "could get used above 70 degree temperatures nearly the entire year" ... until you are trying to enjoy thanksgiving and just can't seem to get into the spirit because its 80 degrees outside - or when you are trying to sing Christmas carols in the car at the mall as you pass by green grass, leaved trees, and palm trees trying to be pretty; dressed up in Christmas lights. Let me tell you that it's just plain sad. And don't even get me started drinking hot cocoa - I haven't had a hot cocoa in 6 years because it's just too damn hot.

You would think that having some of the countries most beautiful beaches and ocean water that is over 80 degrees in the summer time would be pretty spectacular - well, it is.. I can't really argue you there. But the reality is I hate sand (so does Josh) and we only go about twice a year because it's SUCH a project.

There is no culture here.

There is no food here (unless you are into Cuban food - it's pretty high in cuban food culture).

And when push comes to shove I am, simply, homesick.

I want so badly to raise my daughter in New Jersey - among our friends and family who love her despite barely knowing her.

To see friends around the holidays but not at the expense of seeing my family.

To feel confident that Olivia is going to a good school.

To wear cozy sweaters for a few months out of the year.

To be blessed with the warmth of being home in 1200 sq/ft at the same PRICE as 2,700 sq/ft because at the end of the day home is what matters ... not the price per square foot (provided that you aren't going to put yourself back in debt to do it, of course.)

I don't know what the future holds, but I know that Jersey is a part of it. There are so many people who move here and extol it's virtues - who couldn't be paid to move back to the North... but for us... we would pay ANYTHING to move home... and that's how I know that this is not where we belong. Florida has given us so much... and we will forever be grateful for the opportunities it has extended to us... but in the long run - it's not home. It never will be.

Thus begins the era of Operation: Homecoming. Who knows how long it will take... but we will do it.