All Tied Up

I never realized how tied up I get. There was a time in my life (I am sure many of you will remember) when you couldn't shut me up from talking about things that were bothering me. I would spew and spout about any and everything going on in my life and bore you to DEATH with how I felt about.

I have noticed in the last few years, however, that I really don't talk much about what I think and I can't help but wonder "why?" and "What's going on there?".

Over the last week or so I have been trying to trace it back to a specific time - to see if there was a point at which I went silent and it seems that, not surprisingly, I have really shut down since George's death last September.

Part of the reason is because therapy has made me better able to cope with things - so I generally have LESS I feel the need to talk about.

I have been trying for a year to reconcile the fact that I have lost my brother. It just isn't happening. There are days strung together where I rarely think about him - or when I do its with fondness and limited grief. Then, there are days when I simply don't want to think about him.

There are days when I sit on my couch at home, angry for no real reason - ever clenching my shoulders so tightly that the apples of my shoulder wind up around my ears. I sit - contemplate - and then realize that I haven't talked to anyone about anything for days. And, generally speaking, I am not easily worked up by stuff these days.

I am still plugging away on my 1yr Anniversary blog edition - its been the primary reason why I have been so absent lately. It's taking everything I have not to post it prematurely - and writing it is pretty exhausting. I will begin posting it on August 1, so I only have to wait till Monday.

If anyone is still out there and reading, I'm coming back! And it will be with a vengeance!!