The Home Stretch

I am fighting "Senior-itis" this week. Unsure as to whether I will end my job with my current position this week and begin training in my new position on Tuesday or if I will be staying through the end of next week, I am doing my very best to stay on track and to be "mature and responsible" in my exit.

I have done everything I can to resign myself to this departure - to reconcile in my mind that leaving a job is part of life and that very few people (these days) stay with one company for a prolonged period of time and that growth and progress are things which are "okay" to want and to aspire to.

Yet, I cannot help the sense of grief and sadness that I feel.

Today, I am working hard to outline the pieces of a project that was scheduled to begin in August or so - I am doing everything I can to put onto paper what was in my mind in terms of the look and feel of a change to our software - and for anyone who has tried to write out something that is mostly visual/conceptual it can be a bit of a bear. Ultimately, its a big possibility that they won't even use my notes - they may decide to scratch everything I did and start over from the beginning because "its easier". Ultimately, trying to make sure that I leave everyone in a good spot to continue the forward progress really doesn't affect me at all - if I were to say "whelp! So long! It's been real!" and succumb to my Senior-itis... floating happily out the door without a care in the world, the repercussions of that don't affect me - I would be like many other separated employees who do the same thing.

But yet, there is this big part of me that says "Be nice - leave them with everything they need".

*Whining* But I don't WANNAAAAA. I want to be irresponsible and jump around campus with a cup of coffee, shirking responsibilities and not holding myself accountable for anything! I want to run up and down the hallway doing not-so-graceful ballet moves while singing a song from the Wizard of Oz. I want to interrupt EVERYONE from doing their actual job and monopolize their time with stories of what Olivia did over the weekend.

So what is a perfectionist to do? Perhaps I will find a happy medium - and work diligently through Wednesday before engaging in purely irresponsible behavior.

All in all, I am trying very hard to get excited about this next position. I don't want anyone to think that I am NOT looking forward to this position - I am! I think that it will bring with it a whole new array of experiences and opportunities for me to learn something new (in an industry I have no experience in!). But when you KNOW your projects, know the impact of those projects and can see the real benefit to the company, it's a lot easier to get "turned on" by those projects. With a new company, you just have to hold your breath and meander through your start... learning what you can and building your value over time.

Come back to me in a few months - you will be able to pick me out of a crowd by the smile on my face, I'm sure. (I'm hoping!).

And hey, with any luck I will get my own office - that'd be a first! - and maybe I can have a coffee maker and a mini-fridge in there. That'd be heaven....