The Origin of My Manifesto

So it's been weighing on my mind that perhaps my ranting from last week caught some people a little of guard and that it may have even come off as the angry ramblings of a woman on the edge - so I thought perhaps some explanation would be appropriate.

About two weeks after my brother passed away I started seeing a therapist who specialized in something called Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. The basic premise of this therapy/philosophy is that we put too much pressure on ourselves and far too many expectations on other people. It was built around the Epictetus' theory 2,000 years ago that said: "Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them."

In its simplest form, Albert Ellis (the father of R.E.B.T) believed that we all want to be happy, but that our reaction to events which we percieve are hindering us from achieving our goals are actually what stops us from being successful - NOT from the event itself, but from our reaction to the event. Through this philosphy and mental training, you learn three important points: Unconditional Life-Acceptance, Unconditional Other-Acceptance and Unconditional Self-Acceptance.

Aka: Sometimes things do not go the way that you wanted them to - but it is not unbearable.

For the past six months I have been practicing the things that I have learned in REBT. In that time, I have been able to nearly erradicate my predisposition to obsessive perfection. I have been able to accept that I am imperfect without fear of other's opinions engaging my most neurotic behaviors. I no longer feel dissapointment when other's do not meet the expectations that I had for their behavior (for example: I sent so-and-so flowers on their birthday and they didn't even CALL me!).

I have gained patience and I no longer have anxiety attacks the way that I once did. I have learned to "manage" challenging events rather than "dealing" with them - by which I mean that if some new chellenge arises I am more adequately positioned to establish "what is going on" and come to a swift conclusion rather than getting upset about it, wasting my energy on the emotions that come with "HOW REDICULOUS IS THIS????" and then losing my sensability in my response because I was so wrapped up in the "can you believe it!!!??" of it all.

It is because of REBT that I have been able to mourn my brother, enhance my relationship with Josh, double and even triple the love that I feel for Olivia, and restore a relationship with my mom which had been very badly damaged over the last 10-15 years.

What's more, I have been able to establish something I have never (ever) been able to do: Boundaries.

I have been able to say "this is what I am comfortable with and this is what I am not comfortable with".

I have been able to feel like I AM entitled to happiness... and I AM just as important as anyone else.

So its with all this combined that I wrote the Manifesto last week. It was my breakthrough - when 6 months of work "clicked" into place in the jumbled mess that is my brain and poured onto the page at 95 WPM.

It felt great. I felt free. And it's been a new world ever since!

Love always,
Jenn