About Me

I have something to say... But a blog let's me spew until I figure out what it is.

Monday, February 21, 2011

When Did We Get "Old"?

First off, let me start with asking those out there that are older than me not to marginalize this entry. I know that there are plenty of friends and family members who are going to read this entry and roll their eyes because they have 10-30 years on me but I would ask that you suspend time for a moment, lock your eyeballs to the screen and resist the eye-rolling temptation.

Many of my facebook friends are turning 30 - and I will be joining the 30-something club in 3 months.

There is a portion of me that looks back on the last ten years and thinks "wow - that didn't go by too quickly. Cool." I look back on my freshman year of college, my marriage, Olivia's arrival, and a few jobs along the way with admiration and happiness and think: "Cool".

When you break it down, your twenties bring with them SO much growth and development. We move from being insecure teenages to competent adults. You figure out WHO you are, even if it's only to realize that (mostly) you are exactly who you were in High School with more experience under your belt... at least that's what happened to me. I spent my college years mostly trying to reidentify myself only to realize that I was really quite happy as who I was in HS personality-wise.

But every once in a while I get an email from friends who sign their emails "Mr and Mrs So-and-so" and I realize... "this is it"... we are getting married and having kids and buying houses and paying bills like grown-ups.

The early twenty-something inside me screams "but wait! We were just going through college orientation a few days ago!"... but the reality is - it was 10 years ago.

Don't get me wrong - I love the freedom that comes with being an adult. I love making "adult money" and living like a grown-up - but there is still a big portion of me that realizes this is it. There is no going to prom again, no doing HS musicals again, no staying out till three in the morning with friends at the diner, there's no pep band games (and learning how to play an instrument by watching the kid next to me), there's no last-minute midnight trips to NYC, there's no taking last-minute vacations.

It isn't so much that I am not happy about all these things - there is a lot more peace and quiet in life at this age (even with a two year old ... I am no longer running around like a chicken with its head cut off - overcommitted up to my eyeballs) but it's a little bit of mourning.

And yes, we are "young at heart" but it doesn't turn the clock back. It doesn't give you the chance to take all the wisdom you have gained over the past ten years and allow you to go to Rutgers University a second time - enjoy it as much as you did the first time AND pass all your classes with flying colors becuase you are responsible enough now.

It is, indeed, Olivia's turn - and I will encourage her to partake of everything in life and be sure to soak it all in becuase it goes so quickly - but I will not live vicariously through her because that's not what parents are here for.

So happy birthday to all my friends out there - welcome to the "married with kids" club! I will be forming a support group - signups start now.

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